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This holiday morning, do you fret about selecting the perfect gift for a loved one? I constantly strive, but everywhere I turn the suggestions flood in with unhelpful suggestions. No, I don’t want a scented wax that smells like turkey, for the simple reason we’ll be cooking the bird itself. Nor do I want a sunrise alarm clock, since I can leave the blinds works just fine. I certainly do not want a facial mask containing fish-derived collagen, as said DNA originates in milt. If I wanted fish sperm applied to my skin, I'd simply go fishing.

Finding Ideas From the Animal Kingdom

Therefore, if you constantly search for gift ideas, I recommend: take a lesson from wildlife. Our species did not create the act of giving. This tradition has been around for over a hundred million years, long before our species evolved. Aided by evolution, wild animals have had creatures ample time to perfect the art of giving. Indeed, some spiders go so far as to wrap their offerings!

Excluding exercise-related items and other products I don’t like, there are five categories of holiday presents: food, homeware, bling, skincare and clothing. The animal kingdom has them all covered.

Food Gifts: From Protein Snacks to Artisan Kebabs

Brazilian cuckoos give their partners high-protein snacks including bugs, amphibians, and reptiles. But if you prefer your meat shished, then look to the great grey shrike, or Lanius excubitor. Males impale prey, like bugs and rodents, onto pointed thorns and twigs crafting impromptu kebabs.

Certain insects present to their suitors spitballs, yet these are not ordinary globs. These represent scorpionfly spitballs, crafted with the freshest saliva sourced from swollen labial glands of only the fittest males. This offering is packed with nutrients, a key reason why females prefer males with larger gifts.

Another reason involves the most genetically robust males make the biggest spitballs. By "fit" I am not referring to “looks great in a leather jacket”, though that may be true. I refer to “fit” in the genetic sense.

These presents are given prior to mating, so by choosing the male with the biggest package, the female is choosing superior genes. She then eats the gift during sex but ends copulation as soon as it’s all gone. Larger gifts result in longer copulation times, where the male can transfer additional sperm and the female is unable to mate with other males. This explains the male's motivation for with such an elaborate offering.

Nest-Building and Shiny Objects

These Antarctic penguins don’t give food, but they do give things for the home. In Antarctica, where they live, there is no a hardware shop, so the penguins must source their offerings from the local landscape. Every mating season, the males gather small stones and start making their nest. These crucial components are scarce, leading some chancers to steal pebbles from nearby nests. But when a male gives a pebble to a potential mate, it signals his readiness for commitment. Consider it the penguin equivalent of an engagement ring. The rock is not worn, though. If she also is interested, she takes the pebble and adds it to the nest. Subsequently, following some final adjustments, they are prepared to raise a family.

Regarding shiny things, crows excel in this department. There are many accounts exist of individuals who made friends with wild crows and then been given bottle tops, screws, fastenings and other shiny items. For instance, two people in Florida were once given a bracelet with a diamond from a crow they often fed. This is especially charming because while many creatures offer gifts hoping for mating opportunities, crows apparently just enjoy giving.

The Pinnacle of Multipurpose Present: Sea Sponges

In Western Australia, dolphins have been spotted collecting pieces of sea sponge from the seabed and utilizing them in fascinating manners. Sometimes, while foraging for fish, they wear the sponges over their rostrum to help protect their skin. At other times, when males want to court females, they don them as playful headwear before presenting them as presents.

In so doing, dolphins brilliantly combine two final categories of Christmas gift. Marine sponges serve as attire and skin protection. To make it even better, when males give their sponge gifts, they frequently adopt a curved posture and produce a whistling sound via their blowhole.

This is not the half-arsed giving from pets – such as a cat presenting a deceased rodent in an obscure corner – or some people. Dolphin gifts are considerate, multipurpose, ethically gathered and delivered with panache. We can all learn from them. A famous singer claims that the only desire during the holidays is a loved one, however, my one Christmas wish, is to be given a sponge-hat-skin-protector by a dolphin who serenades me in a stylish manner.